I got the notion of sharing this article when I was returning to Chennai, the other day with few hours remaining for me turning into an adult from a teen.. It was the time for some realizations, commitments, blah blah.
I have never been close to anyone like my parents lest few friends.. But, I have been always more close to my Mom, sharing everything with her and asking for guidance more than my father.. This is not about how relatively I like my Mom and Dad.. This is about what I have realized or say felt about my Dad !! Originally, I wanted to write something about my Dad on Father's Day but I was waiting for his birthday.. In the end, settled for mine.. Ah, lets cut the crap.. and dig into my thoughts to see what I actually wanted to say!!
#NOT.. BUT.. SO..
I look up to my father all the time, not because he is successful but he is CONFIDENT that he can be successful even after years of toil, not because he is rich but his wisdom, situational abilities, rich circle he has surrounded himself with (few trust-worthy friends and many notable acquaintance ), not because he is a genius but he is passionate about what he does ( only when he does ), not because he is a celebrity but because he and mom always made me and my bro feel we are special, not because he is in a responsible position but I saw a reformer in him.
I have never seen him cry nor sit dull even at the toughest of his times that I have witnessed him in.. He always had that calculative mind which clicked most of the times.. Though he was out of business due to unexpected reasons (which happen to occur most of the times), I have never seen him broken nor did he yield in to any other stuff (uknowwhatimean). The loss he has seen, the failures he has gone through, Man it should take a lot of confidence ( I have a better term in Tamil - 'Nenjazhuththam' ) and he perseveres it yet..
I have never seen a man who doesn't sleep for more than 2 hours for 6 months in continuum.. I saw a devoted son doing the same, my father as a devoted son to his father.. I have my grandpa saying to my Mom, "Please leave me in Ashram, I ll manage with somebody's help over there.. I can't see my son's toil and sleeplessness for nights...." Well, we hear (or atleast I have) heard even the richest ignoring their parents. though they love them, they just cant bare the pain in serving their parents.. But here was my Man, doing what is unmatched service ( who cares about literature.. I saw one in my home!! ). My grandpa was well-built and composed. I would see my father carrying his father as a child around places.. Kaana kann kodi thevai irunthathu!!
I would never have used the pc cam for a better purpose than picturing my father taking care of his.
Now, it has been one year since my Grandpa's demise and there broke a fight between parents over an issue about his clothes. And all I could see in my father was the pure and atmost love to his father in the fight.. And that was what my Mom was trying to overcome.. Who ll know this man better than she does?!
Due to his procrastinating nature, he faced failures in many ventures irrespective of his hard-work, effort and intelligence.. This lead to a lot of criticism from the relatives whom are less talented than my father in many ways (which I say with 'garvam' ) which was unbearable and remains that way for me and my Mom.. He seldom cares about that.. And thats where the spark for other fights raise between my parents.. When we know he deserved enough credit for what he has done but was neglected or not given the same, we can never feel good about it.
Not just through his character and way of life, but also through his guidance through the life he has inspired me a lot and made me feel he is the man I look upto.. Even during adverse situations, he has always said, 'Never indulge in anything or never buy anything which doesn't give u 100% satisfaction.. Never haste into any decisions just considering few factors compromising ur satisfaction for it.. ' Damn!! Those were the lines driving my life!! '
Thinking back, I would say My father was the first reformer, I saw. And the second one would be my Mom. While, it is not customary to allow women work in my relational circle aka caste ( as i perceive ), a man who encouraged and supported my Mom to work who in-turn supported the family economy, was my father. And I take pride in saying that he was more excited in our success while he was least bothered about his own though he saw and cherished our success as his own.
Still remember the reaction of Prakash Raj on his child's cry ( from the Movie : Abhiyum Naanum ) And such was the love he has always shown to me and our family. Though we never really shared many pleasantries (which i sometimes feel bad about), Our conscience knows that We are there for each other all the time.
When all these thoughts ran through my mind with few more incidents (which I have avoided to defy from vagueness ), for a few moments, my throat choked... I felt like having tears (I actually had).. And that was the moment I decided to share this amazing feeling with others..
Love u Dad!! This is for u :-) You are my first mentor, friend, above all my beloved father :-)